


Prozac

by Camelabrakedabra



Series: Unfavourable Love [5]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: M/M, Mental Health Issues, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-11
Updated: 2017-12-15
Packaged: 2019-02-13 17:06:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12988560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Camelabrakedabra/pseuds/Camelabrakedabra
Summary: Confidence vs anxious. Messy vs obsessive. Extrovert vs introvert.Kim Mingyu and Jeon Wonwoo are close enough to opposites, even down to their approaches to relationships. Yet, Mingyu falls for Wonwoo from the moment they make eye contact and he has to have him. Wonwoo hates how he's being led to push his compulsions to the side after having his symptoms for so long, especially given the response that he gets from Mingyu's friends.





	1. Fear

Mingyu fell for Wonwoo as soon as he met him.

Good _lord_ , he was hopelessly in love with Jeon Wonwoo as soon as their eyes met in the supermarket.

Wonwoo was actually a member of staff at the time, and was in the process of stacking shelves. He'd been kneeling on a small sheet on the floor and was transferring each can to the shelf with such precision that Mingyu could barely bring himself to disturb him. He was focusing hard on the position of each of the cans so that he would have them all lined up perfectly, and it was strangely interesting to see how he managed to get the perfect gap between each of the cans without any of them touching.

Eventually, though, he grew impatient and ended up calling out to him. Then again, when there was no answer. Then once more, making sure to accompany it with a gentle shoulder tap to ensure that he was getting the boy's attention.

It didn't exactly go well. The boy jumped, his eyes snapping up to Mingyu's face, and as much as it was clear that he was panicked, Mingyu couldn't help falling for him instantly. There was something about his naturally beautiful features and rabbit-in-headlights expression that left Mingyu's heart beating faster. It was strange; he didn't think that he really believed in love at first sight and he knew that it was absolutely ridiculous to fall for a member of staff in their workplace, and he was absolutely certain that if he did try to make a move on the boy, he wouldn't get anywhere, but for the moment, he was intoxicated.

He didn't even notice that in the panic of the moment, the boy had completely destroyed his arrangement on the shelf. It took a moment for the boy to realise too, having been completely absorbed by the fact that he'd been touched without permission, and so when he glanced back towards the shelf, Mingyu was certain that his entire world came crashing down. He was quick to apologise to the boy, but the damage had already been done, and Mingyu absolutely regretted it more than anything in the world.

He ended up searching for someone who looked like a manager and apologising to her, before promptly informing her that he'd messed up and seemed to have upset one of their members of staff. He'd confessed to having touched the member of staff's shoulder without thinking, to which the manager responded by wincing as she seemingly guessed who exactly was affected by the incident. Mingyu ended up leading her straight to the aisle that the guy was on, and then watching the exchange that followed from a distance.

It went a lot quicker than he had expected, with minimal words between the two as the manager tried to figure out what the best response to the situation was. Eventually, she just gave a sigh and insisted that she would get someone else to finish putting the cans away. "Wonwoo, go and take a break in the staff room. Read your book for ten minutes, calm down, then come back out on the shop floor." She said something quietly under her breath before whisking the boy off towards the staff area of the shop, leaving Mingyu stood in silence in the aisle like a lost child or something.

All he could do for the moment was parade around the shop, getting a few items here and there but mostly looking out for Wonwoo's return from the staff room. He needed to check up on the guy as soon as he was back, since he was the person to put him in that situation and make him feel anxious. He felt bad about the fact that he'd left the guy feeling anxious, and he absolutely regretted the fact that he'd touched his shoulder. It wasn't something that he would usually do, even though it had come as a reflex response to get his attention in that manner.

On top of that, he really wanted to see Wonwoo again. Mingyu was the sort of person to jump into that sort of situation, snatching up the opportunity to make things happen when they were presented to him so perfectly. There was no point in leaving it to fate and just hoping that they would meet again. There was always a chance that they would never meet again - that this was his last day at work or he'd be let go for causing too many issues for the managers - and so he didn't want to leave it to chance like that. Even if Wonwoo rejected his advances, he would regret not trying more than he would regret an unfavourable result. It was what he needed to do, and nothing was going to stop him from giving it a shot.

The wait for Wonwoo to get back on the shop floor dragged more than anything. Mingyu tried getting the items from nearby shelves first, in hopes that he would still be close enough to watch the staff room door, but there was only so long that he could stare at various packets of rice before it was obvious that he was just stalling for time. There was no one to judge him, since the colleague who had gone over to fill the shelf with the remaining tins had been very quick with the job and wasn't at all looking for perfection, but he didn't want to seem as if he'd been waiting there for Wonwoo the entire time, especially if he did have issues with some form of anxiety.

Finally, he crept back onto the shop floor. It was clear that he was embarrassed about the entire situation, but he soon found other things that he could do with himself whilst he was there. Fresh medical gloves were slipped straight on, and he proceeded to take a crate of water bottles straight over to the fridge so that he could start filling in the gaps right away. He was just as focused on the presentation as he had been the last time, although this time it was clear that he was conscious of both time and the other people around him as well.-

"Are you feeling any better?" Mingyu asked as he approached Wonwoo. Those beautiful eyes moved back up towards his face, although this time, the boy seemed a lot calmer about their exchange.  
"I'm sorry for how I handled the situation earlier," he said quietly. It was clear that he was being made to apologise by his boss, now that he was back on the shop floor. His forced voice was telling Mingyu that he wasn't the sort to want to apologise over that sort of thing, and frankly, Mingyu was rather glad about that. "You're welcome to tell my boss what really happened. Maybe let her know if you want me to be fired for my behaviour."

"Actually," Mingyu said to him with a smile, "I overheard your boss suggesting that you take a reading break to calm down. What sort of books do you like to read?"

Suddenly, his eyes lit up. Wonwoo was staring at him with genuine gratitude in his eyes, and he was very clearly interested by the conversation now. Mingyu guessed that he hadn't really been shown much kindness when he had moments of high anxiety, and so he decided to push it a little further by bringing up what his own favourite books were, in hopes that it would encourage a genuine reply. "I've recently read Sweet Hereafter and Kitchen by Yoshimoto Banana, and one of my friends recommended The Seventh Day by Yu Hua. Have you read any of those books?"

It was a safe guess; Wonwoo enjoyed all of them. He began to blurt out the details of his other top books, including several Shakespeare plays and a few very indie-sounding novels that Mingyu had never heard of in his life. The interest that he took in Wonwoo's words seemed to have him completely drawn in within minutes, and suddenly he was very aware of the fact that the boy was all his for the moment. It had happened even quicker than he'd imagined, but he supposed that if Wonwoo struggled with social interactions, as he appeared to, any bit of kindness would probably go a long way with him.

"I can write you a list of the books, if you're planning on coming back into the store at any point," Wonwoo suggested quietly, allowing his lips to twitch towards the comfort of a smile. "I know of a good bookstore nearby that will either have them in stock or will have them delivered to your house for free."

That was where Mingyu was going to slip straight in. He wanted to be able to start making ground now that he'd established a sort of bond between them, and he was good enough at flirting to be able to get things running smoothly. "I was thinking that maybe I could take you out for coffee or something, and either you could tell me more about some of the books or we could start reading a new one together. I'll even pay for the entire thing, if you'll let me do that."

Okay, maybe it wasn't going to work quite as smoothly as he'd hoped for. There must've been some mixed signals going on between them or something, as Wonwoo's face immediately dropped. He seemingly didn't know what to say in response to the situation, as he suddenly withdrew into himself again, but then after a minute or so, he dared to make eye contact once again. "I'm sorry, I appreciate the gesture but I don't drink coffee from shops."

Mingyu wasn't sure of whether it was just an excuse to reject him, or whether the comment about the coffee was key. He'd never heard that sort of excuse before, after all, but from what he'd learnt about Wonwoo's mannerisms already, he wasn't massively surprised. He was very deliberate and particular when he was putting the stock on the shelves, so Mingyu figured that he was probably the same when it came to other aspects of his life, like his routine and favourite places.

"Be honest with me," he said with an awkward smile, "Are you not interested, or can I convince you to go on a date with me by skipping the coffee?"

He had to know. Wonwoo was probably one of the most attractive people he'd ever seen, and missing out on that beauty would be something that he would regret for the rest of his life if he didn't find out whether or not he could be wedging his foot in the door still. He wasn't the sort to be too pushy about it, especially not in a person's workplace where they would probably feel trapped if he was to push his affection onto them, but he was well aware of his general boundaries and was more than happy to take a step forward or back, depending on the response.

Wonwoo seemed to seriously consider the proposal. He was left stood there in complete silence for a short while, seemingly not sure how to respond exactly, but on the bright side, he didn't seem to be out to reject Mingyu. It was a bit awkward to be stood there like that, especially when Wonwoo was so quiet, but then eventually the boy let out a soft sigh and ran a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, I don't think you would like me if we went on a date. I'm not exactly the most dateable person in the entire world. I really, really can't stand the thought of being in dirty environments, and I don't really like to leave the house. And I think that that's an issue when it comes to relationships, so I would rather just avoid dating people altogether."

Mingyu didn't know how to take it when he heard the reply. He'd been absolutely certain that he would be getting a positive answer, especially seeing as Wonwoo seemed to be so impressed by his book knowledge and was interested when he mentioned going on a date where he would get free books, but he did sort of understand that the shop assistant probably wasn't all too happy to go on a date with a stranger like that. He didn't know whether Mingyu shared his feelings about dirt, which was quite clearly something that meant a lot to him, and so it was understandable that he would get hypervigilant about that sort of thing. Mingyu supposed that he would probably be worried about holding a relationship if he was preoccupied with that sort of thing - which he probably was, if he was bringing it up like that - and frankly, Mingyu couldn't really blame him for that sort of response.

"No worries. If you do want me to get you a book or anything without the need for a date - and maybe even without the need to actually meet face-to-face - I can always give you my phone number so that you can message me. Even though you're probably not that into me, I do find you very attractive still, so I'd like to do something that would make you happy and would make up for any hard feelings that I might've caused by scaring you earlier." He was rather surprised to find that Wonwoo's eyebrows shot up in response to the comments. He figured that Wonwoo was probably used to being hit on but hadn't necessarily had everyone accept the rejection so readily, and so he was probably expecting Mingyu to fly off the rails with it. That response seemingly scored him some points, luckily, as the shop assistant gave a little nod before taking a notepad out of his pocket. His grip on the pen showed Mingyu that he was going to write it down himself - it was to be expected, given his response to everything so far.

He gave his number slowly, in groups of three numbers at a time, and then allowed Wonwoo to repeat it back to him. He recited it once to himself, a second time directly to Mingyu, and then a third time just to be sure, and then stuffed the notepad back into his pocket so that he could get on with his work. He thanked him, then wished him a good day as he began to put the bottles into the fridge again.

And then Mingyu simply continued with his shopping trip.

He was satisfied with the outcome, frankly. He didn't really expect anything to come from it, especially seeing as Wonwoo didn't immediately strike him as the sort of person who would abuse someone's kindness by requesting a free book, but he was glad to have been able to tell a person that he was attracted to them like that. He hoped that at the very least, it would make Wonwoo feel a bit better about himself, and would come to show him that he was genuinely sorry for disrupting his day with an ill-placed touch. It was something that was going to play on Mingyu's mind for a long time after their initial point of contact, and as much as he hated the fact that he would be thinking about it so much, he knew he deserved it. After all, he should've seen the signs that Wonwoo wasn't going to take the contact too well right from the start, and so there was no excuse for the moment of negligence.

But then again...

"Sorry, I didn't catch your name earlier, but I just wanted to thank you for how nice you were to me. I suppose you already guessed this from the way I handled the situation, but I have obsessive-compulsive disorder and I've never had a successful relationship before. I don't usually like being around other people, and I struggle when it comes to romance because of it. My symptoms get worse when I'm nervous, and so I'm particularly worried about this coming out if I was to go on a first date with someone. I thought it would be best to let you know this, just in case you wanted to back out, but I didn't want to tell you it in person in case it made things awkward.

I wouldn't mind going to a library with you or getting a book and sitting at home, but I would have to request that we go to very particular places. My favourite bookstore has made sure to disinfect the book covers for me since my diagnosis, so I know it's safe to be there. Likewise, if we were to stay at home with the books, I would have to request that you come to my house. However, I would appreciate it if you were to run your clothes on a hot wash before you come over and use the disinfectant that is provided at the door when you arrive. It would mean that we would be able to sit close to each other and it would probably feel more like a proper date, and I suppose that that would be something that you're looking for.

Unfortunately, I would have to reject direct physical contact, such as hugs, handshakes and kisses. In particular, kissing is where I draw the line completely; I wouldn't be able to kiss a person unless I knew that they'd taken all appropriate measures in order to avoid contamination. I suppose that this will probably put you off, since it's seen as a fundamental in relationships, so you're more than welcome to reject me for this alone. I would completely understand if that was the case.

If you're still looking to have this date, please text me back with a date and time. I would prefer it to be in three days time, if possible, or on a Wednesday if that's not a convenient day for yourself.

I hope that you enjoy the rest of your day.  
From Jeon Wonwoo."

Mingyu felt himself smiling wider and wider as he read the text. He reread it several times, just to ensure that he was interpreting it correctly, and despite the confession of his mental health concern, he felt a strange feeling that he could handle the situation pretty well. Admittedly, he was a messy person, but he did have high hygiene standards and that seemed to be one of the main components of Wonwoo's obsessions, so he didn't really have to change all that much about himself if they did go on a date together. He would just have to be somewhat more sensitive to different aspects of the environment that might make Wonwoo uncomfortable. After all, Wonwoo was just like any other person that he could possibly date in his lifetime, but he simply had a few different needs here and there that needed to be addressed. It was nothing that he wouldn't do for any other partner, having had boyfriends in the past who always went to the same restaurants or were insistent on having dinner with their parents every two weeks.

He had no issue whatsoever in replying and made sure to keep it as short and sweet as possible, as not to make him any more anxious about meeting up.

"Hey, it's Mingyu. Sorry, I forgot to tell you my name earlier.

I'd love to go on a date with you in three days. I don't know if you realised, but it's actually a Wednesday in three days, so we're hitting two birds with one stone. You're welcome to choose the best time for yourself, but I was thinking that somewhere between midday and four o'clock would be best. I'll make sure to wash my clothes on Wednesday morning. Should they air dry or is the tumble dryer okay to use?

I hope the rest of your evening goes well.  
From Kim Mingyu."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the next fic in this series, and I've been waiting for this one for so, so long.
> 
> It's one that really touches me, if I'm honest, since I've personally had issues with OCD symptoms since I was very young. I never did get an official diagnosis, but I've had a huge fixation on bacteria for around 15 years now. It doesn't come with a need for order, but the other big symptom is doubting certain aspects of life, such as a temporary belief that I might be presenting my gender and sexuality incorrectly, might be dating people for attention rather than being attracted to them, etc.
> 
> In this fic, Wonwoo is very typical in his presentation, showing the more common signs and some subtle ones dotted here and there. The focus will hopefully be more on their relationship and the difficulties that come alongside having a relationship where one person has mental health concerns. I'd just like to point out too, though, that relationships certainly don't fix mental health issues, but sometimes the support can help to reduce symptoms. It can encourage the gradual tackling of fears (e.g. sharing drinks with people or holding hands), and can introduce a healthier routine (or a healthier response to a change in routine).
> 
> If you do think you might be suffering from any symptoms of mental health concerns, I'd recommend contacting a councillor or GP for help. Make sure you look after yourselves please!!
> 
> Thank you for reading!! <3


	2. Exposure

The date went well. Mingyu somehow managed to remember all of the rules that were put in place, and they were able to have a comfortable reading date in Wonwoo's main room once they'd bought the books. As much as he'd been worried that he wouldn't be able to bag a second date with Wonwoo, his date had asked him when they would be able to see each other again before he even left the house. From that point, they managed to make things work rather easily and started a relationship that looked as if it was genuinely going to go somewhere. Wonwoo hadn't been all too sure about putting a label on their relationship to start with, but then it ended up being something that he found that he could handle rather well. He was proud of the fact that he was able to comfortably call Mingyu his boyfriend without worrying that their relationship came out of pity or something, and Mingyu was relieved that he could tell that from the way that he tried to make their relationship as "normal" as possible.

That did come with a lot of hurdles, though. Obviously having a relationship with Mingyu wasn't going to fix his mental health issues. He was diagnosed with the condition when he was twelve, for starters, and having a boyfriend almost ten years later wasn't going to magically fix everything that he'd had to deal with in his lifetime. Wonwoo was resistant to therapy when it was offered to him, even after having tried six different therapists. He knew what his issues were and why they were completely irrational, but it didn't mean that it was something that he was able to fix. His therapists had tried to enforce gradual exposure therapy when it came to dealing with germs, but the anxiety that came with not washing his hands or wearing gloves to prevent contamination was too much for him to deal with. Deep-cleaning his house was something that helped him to handle the stress of his condition, and he couldn't focus on any task unless the environment around him had a certain sense of order. If he didn't check the locks on his house eight times - to match with the door number of his childhood house - he would end up thinking about it all day and then feeling incredibly anxious when he finally went to bed. The feeling was a result of a sensation that someone must've been in his house when he was away, and the fear would cripple him.

Likewise, medication only helped to stop his major episodes from flaring up. Mingyu had been unfortunate enough to see one of those episodes when they'd been together for just a month. His boyfriend was unable to find something that he'd lost several days beforehand, and he really needed it for some reason so he couldn't exactly put off searching for it any longer. It was something that caused him quite a lot of stress, and Mingyu completely understood that, but that stress only got worse when he found that the item had been underneath the sofa the entire time.

Wonwoo flipped. He began to go into detail about how filthy it was underneath the average sofa. People usually cleaned around their sofas and not underneath, and it was the perfect breeding ground for bacteria, since the only place that the sofa would fit in his house was near the radiator. He could feel the bacteria crawling up his hand when he picked the item up, or so he said. The item needed to be deep-cleaned, but so did his hands. It absolutely crushed Mingyu to have to watch his boyfriend grating his hands so aggressively with the scrubbing brush. He could see the skin starting to break and blood starting to trickle from the fresh wounds, but he couldn't bring himself to stop his boyfriend. After all, if that was what he felt was necessary, and neither therapy or medication was stopping the compulsive urge to rip his skin from his bones like that, trying to force him to put the brush down wasn't going to help either. If anything, it would just make things worse for him.

All he could do was help out afterwards. Mingyu made sure to check that the wounds were cleaned to Wonwoo's standards before dressing his boyfriend's hands in soft bandages to keep them away from anything that could cause infection. He covered the wounds with gloves for a few days so that Wonwoo wouldn't feel as if he had to wash his hands as much, and then switched the dressings to much smaller plasters once they scabbed over. It allowed him to move his hands without having to worry about having the compulsive urge to pick off the scabs to make his hands feel smooth. Wonwoo had been thankful for his ability to help him through that situation but had also grown fearful of the fact that he was probably pushing Mingyu away; after all, he'd warned that he had occasional anxiety attacks like that and would end up hurting himself, but he was absolutely sure that Mingyu would leave him over it when it actually happened. Mingyu wasn't the sort to end a relationship over something like ill-health, though, and he made sure to let his boyfriend know about that.

Strangely, helping with the aftercare once Wonwoo had an anxiety attack was something that gave their relationship a stronger foundation. As much as Wonwoo was worried that those episodes would be tiresome and would lead to the end of their relationship, it was clear that he was thankful for the support he was given. Likewise, Mingyu was glad to be able to have an active role when it came to supporting his boyfriend's health like that, and so he was more than happy to take care of him when he was feeling fragile. It was something that neither of them really anticipated at the start of everything that they had, but they worked rather well as a couple. It was like they covered each other's flaws by being so dissimilar, and it was something that helped a lot.

Yet, as time went on, it gradually became apparent that Wonwoo wasn't perfectly satisfied with the relationship.

Mingyu hadn't noticed it to start with. He just thought that perhaps they had been shifting about too much and the inconsistency meant that his boyfriend needed some distance in order to ground himself. He hadn't once expected that it would be a cry for more. In fact, if Wonwoo had told him that he was dissatisfied and wanted more from their relationship, he would've probably had to distance himself in case it was a result of him trying to push things too far. He knew that Wonwoo was uncomfortable with physical contact; even six months into their relationship, they were unable to share a bed at night, and they would part to go to sleep with a warm smile instead of a hug and kiss. But it was something that Mingyu didn't mind. It was just a different sort of relationship. It wasn't something bad, and it certainly wasn't something that he disliked. Sure, he would have liked to cuddle his boyfriend here and there, but he preferred seeing Wonwoo comfortable more than anything.

But then Wonwoo started to show signs that he wanted that sort of thing too. He wanted to share cuddles and part in a more romantic way. He gradually made his way closer until their thighs were brushing slightly through their clothes, and he didn't flinch away when Mingyu's arm nudged against him. If nothing else, he actually seemed as if he was looking for more contact. He would stare longingly at the television screen when they watched films where couples would share romantic intimacy, and after a while, he began to specifically drop hints that he wanted to make physical contact. He started to become the person who was touching Mingyu; he would make excuses to touch his hair when he had his gloves on, or he would 'struggle' to get things from the top shelf in his cupboards so that Mingyu would get it for him and they would end up brushing against each other by default.

To start with, Mingyu would retract pretty damn quickly. He was so worried about causing one of Wonwoo's episodes that he would withdraw like he'd been burnt or something. It took a while for him to finally catch the hurt look on his boyfriend's face when he did it - a good month or two, actually - but when he did, he figured that it was best to have that chat about where their relationship was heading. "What sort of thing would you like? Do you want to touch hands sometimes? Cuddle? Sit a bit closer, maybe?" Wonwoo had been too nervous to answer to start with, instead stammering something about how he didn't need that sort of thing really, but then eventually he decided that it was okay to vent his wants and desires more openly. As with everything else, it was probably a nervous reaction, in which he guessed that he would lose Mingyu if he didn't make it clear how he felt, but it did the trick so Mingyu figured that it was something that they could work with.

"I... I want to cuddle. Like how they do in those television programmes where they have the happy couples. But I can't make skin contact with you and you can't breathe on me." It was a struggle to get it out, especially since Wonwoo was clearly worried about being rejected over his concerns about making direct contact, but Mingyu was more than happy to give it a shot. After all, skin contact wasn't the main benefit that came from cuddling. He was much more interested in the warmth that would come alongside it. And so he turned up the following day in jeans, a turtleneck jumper and a face mask.

Mingyu swore he'd never seen Wonwoo looking so happy in his time he knew him. He knew that Mingyu would have bleached his clothes, so there was no risk of contamination from him when they cuddled, and then he was comfortably able to lay on Mingyu's chest when they were relaxing that afternoon. He was still a bit wary about pressing his face against Mingyu's shoulder until about an hour into the cuddling, but it was fine since they were able to cuddle against each other with confidence in the fact that they were both completely clean. By the time they finished, Mingyu could see the beginnings of a blush starting to play upon his boyfriend's cheeks; he was rather embarrassed over how he'd been so awkward about cuddling when it was clear that there weren't going to be any issues with contamination, especially when they were in his home. Mingyu was more than happy to comply with any hygiene and safety rules, so Wonwoo quickly learnt to relax until he was okay with snuggling his mask-covered face against the side of Mingyu's wool-covered neck, and was even able to hold his hands. Granted, that required putting in place further hygiene regulations, but eventually it was starting to look like they were becoming a more "typical" couple when it came to romance.

Of course, Mingyu didn't really expect it to develop from that point when it came to physical contact. He'd already confessed to his friends and family that he wasn't ever expecting to be able to kiss Wonwoo, especially since he still wasn't able to eat outside of their homes. Even taking his own cutlery wasn't good enough, and it was a huge struggle to get him to use a straw when they had drinks outside of the house in case there were bacteria inside the tube. Given that information, the chance of him being able to share a kiss with someone was incredibly slim. He'd already pointed out how much bacteria was in the average human mouth and had considered gargling disinfectant in order to get rid of as much of it as possible from his own mouth, and that was significant enough to suggest that it wasn't going to happen.

He'd ended up being surprised, as a result, when they finally moved in together and it was proposed to him by his boyfriend.

"What does it feel like to be kissed?" he hinted as he fiddled with his hands, "I've never felt it before but everyone always says that it feels nice to have another person's mouth against your own."  
"It's not as big of a deal as everyone makes it out to be," Mingyu insisted, but as with the proposal to cuddle, it was clear that he wasn't all too satisfied with the response.  
"I think it would still feel nice though, otherwise people wouldn't kiss. Why else would you risk getting sick from something like that? People even kiss when they're sick, and it confuses me so much."

"I don't think many people consider how gross it is," Mingyu laughed, "I certainly didn't think about it back before I met you. I guess you just sort of assume that everyone brushes their teeth and cleans their mouth on a daily basis." He could see that Wonwoo seemed to be getting rather frustrated, but he didn't really want to push it too much. After all, his first kiss probably wasn't going to be a big thing in the end. Maybe it seemed like it in the moment, especially as he was getting into his twenties and everyone he knew had already shared their first kiss with someone, and he'd had more than enough opportunities to do so with Mingyu if he wanted that, but it wasn't something magical that would change their relationship. It wasn't something that would define how good they worked as a couple, and it wasn't something that was able to make him fall any more in love. It was just a kiss.

Wonwoo wanted it, though. He wanted to feel the brush of their lips together and the sensation of melting against Mingyu. He wanted it to be something romantic and sweet, and for it to make him feel like he could actually be a part of a normal relationship without having to worry about his OCD and the related symptoms. That was something that he wanted to force to the back of his mind for the moment, in favour of enjoying the moment. He seemed rather firm as he made the request - or rather, command - and he was insistent that he wanted to try it at some point.

This time, the rules were a lot stricter. He needed Mingyu to brush, floss and use mouthwash before he went to bed, and then again when he got out of bed in the morning. That would be when their first kiss would take place; at that point, he would be arguably cleaner than at any other point in time, so he would be less likely to contaminate Wonwoo's mouth with his own. The brushing had to last for at least two minutes with an electric toothbrush, with Mingyu focusing on his tongue and the walls of his mouth as well as all sides of his teeth, and then he had to floss deep on either side of every tooth before swirling the mouthwash for at least two minutes. He was more than happy to time it for Mingyu, and whilst Mingyu wasn't sure he really needed it to be timed by Wonwoo, he guessed that it would take away his boyfriend's fears if he got to watch the cleaning process, so he ended up accepting the suggestion.

He made sure to take three minutes to do each step. Three was their number; it was the first number that Mingyu had consistently used by clustering his phone number in that way, and so it was the one that held the most significance for Wonwoo. Keeping to that number helped to calm his anxiety even more, and it ultimately meant that he was easily satisfied that Mingyu had cleaned his mouth properly. He'd even added the bonus of cleaning his face too, in case their skin brushed during the kiss. It was a little detail, but it proved to be a big hit with his boyfriend, who was thrilled with how seriously he took it.

Finally, they found the right moment to share the first kiss with each other. Mingyu didn't want to rush it, as much as Wonwoo wanted to get it out of the way, and so he refused to just do it immediately in the bathroom once his mouth was clean. They went downstairs so that they could sit on the sofa next to each other, and Mingyu slowly edged closer in hopes that it would help Wonwoo build himself up for it. Wonwoo closed his eyes and Mingyu pressed a very gentle, quick kiss to his mouth before retracting again.

It gave him a strange sense of achievement. Wonwoo seemed to be rather happy with the idea of sharing kisses, and he was amazed at how easy and simple the kiss was. He didn't get the sudden urge to bleach himself, as he thought he would, and instead he quietly thanked Mingyu for it. The kiss left little tingles running all over his body, he said, and it felt amazing. Of course, he didn't really have anything to compare it to, but he was glad that they'd managed to share that experience with each other.

That was the starting point for everything that was due to follow. Wonwoo grew to be greedy and needy with the kisses, although the kisses didn't really stray from the basics. They would sometimes kiss with parted lips, but it fully depended on his mood. In general, though, they ended up sharing kisses every few days until eventually Wonwoo started to increase the amount gradually, and after a while, it became a part of their routine.

Three kisses when they woke up. Three kisses before they parted to go to work. Three kisses when they got home. Three kisses before they went to bed. It was a bit of a strange ritual, but twelve was such a round number that it worked. It was something that was becoming a part of Mingyu's life now, and he was hardly the sort of person to complain about his boyfriend showing him affection like that. He loved it, and it was a huge achievement to have gotten the boy who was so scared of being touched on the shoulder to the point where he could comfortably share twelve kisses with him every single day. Granted, it'd taken a lot to get to that point - they'd been together for almost four years by that point and it wasn't always the easiest to have a relationship like that - but it was absolutely worth it in the end. They had a somewhat normal relationship that was past the mere co-existing that it had been at the start, and that was something rather commendable.

Mingyu was proud. Wonwoo had progressed so well with the additional support by his side. He no longer worried about the way that their friends and families saw them as a couple; there was no fear that perhaps he was doing things to push Mingyu away, and he didn't even worry that things were going to progress past his comfort zone. He was the one to lead their relationship for the most part, and he knew that Mingyu was fine with that; after all, it was worth it to see him happy and comfortable, and it wasn't like they needed to rush anyway.

They worked. They were a good couple, and Mingyu was relieved that he'd taken the time to fall in love with the guy from the supermarket. It was something that he absolutely wouldn't change for the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a bit bothered by my decision to make this one a 10,000 word fanfic bc it was so long when we discussed it and so many things came to surface, but I don't think that it would be all too easy to write it if I made it longer. I suppose it means that we'll be looking at the three biggest issues in their relationship, though, so it shouldn't get too dry or anything.
> 
> Thank you for reading!! <3


	3. Recovery

Whilst they could pretend that their problems had gone completely after Wonwoo had loosened up enough to be able to share cuddles and kisses with Mingyu, it was hardly the truth. Of course, when they managed to get that aspect of their relationship sorted, absolutely everything else started to hit all at once. They had a full year of tension that came soon after they'd beat that hurdle, and honestly, it was clear that they were going to be in for a difficult time.

To start with, Wonwoo lost his job. It was particularly difficult as his boss hadn't been all that tolerant about his condition in the final few weeks, and that made him mess up a lot. Apparently, it warranted him being fired on the spot, and Wonwoo had been incredibly upset as he finished work that day. Mingyu couldn't say that he blamed his boyfriend. He'd been working at that shop for years, since he was seventeen, and so he didn't really know anything other than that job. He hadn't been to university and only really had that bit of retail experience to build his life on. Yet, he was forced to search for something else so that he was able to pay his rent. It was a tough time for him and Mingyu was forced to tape mittens to Wonwoo's hands so that he didn't end up shredding them in a state of anxiety, and in the end, he had to sell his house, which he'd kept just in case it was needed, and make the leap towards a long-term commitment with Wonwoo. It was a tough decision, seeing as he would have nowhere to stay if Wonwoo's condition got too bad and he couldn't handle having Mingyu around, but it was something that had to be done. After all, it would pay the rent and would allow Mingyu to fully commit to looking after him.

Eventually, it passed. Wonwoo was back on track and had another job. This time, he was given the chance to be a manager, though, which was an added bonus. Despite the fact that he had no managerial experience up until that point and his past workplace gave him a poor reference, he was lucky enough to have been considered as a result of his eye for detail and perfectionist attitude. It wasn't too extreme when it came to wanting other people to be perfect, but he wanted to succeed so much in his own right that he was the perfect candidate for that role. He'd been absolutely buzzing when he got the job, and the bonus was that he could have his own space without having to worry about anyone else touching his things. That way, he could comfortably use the computer without disinfecting it fully every time he was in the office, and he would be one of two people who had a key to that room. It was the perfect job for him, and Mingyu was relieved that he felt a lot happier when that part of his life fixed itself out nice and neatly.

After that was all sorted, though, Mingyu started to receive hints from his family that perhaps it was time to start thinking about tying the knot with Wonwoo. They'd been together for quite a significant amount of time and Wonwoo's parents were starting to expect that they would be planning for a family soon. Of course, that was never going to happen - Wonwoo had an incredibly intense phobia of children, and the thought of their grubby hands being anywhere near him was enough to make him anxious - but it was the thought of settling down that stuck out to Mingyu really. He did want to settle down with Wonwoo. He really did. He just didn't know whether it would be appropriate to bring that sort of thing up, or even try to propose marriage completely out of the blue.

The fact of the matter was that they'd never actually discussed marriage together. He didn't know how Wonwoo felt about marriage and he wasn't sure whether he actually wanted to bring it up in conversation. The topic was relatively touchy, for starters, and although they were coming up to their fifth year together, was there any point in rushing? After all, they were planning on being together on a permanent basis, so they had forever to decide whether that was the sort of thing that suited them. It just seemed as if it would cause unnecessary stress between them, since they would have all of the planning for the wedding on the side of everything else that they were doing with an added bonus of having to make sure that everything would be sufficiently disinfected to Wonwoo's liking beforehand.

It ended up coming up in conversation after a while, though. They were out for brunch with Wonwoo's parents when his mother decided that he would ask about their intentions when it came to making their relationship "more permanent". She wanted them to have that perfect family - something as close to nuclear as they could manage - and she wanted it to happen before she grew too old. It ended up leaving Wonwoo distressed, and so the topic ended up being brushed under the rug for a good few weeks until finally, he confessed that he was worried about marriage because it always either ended in divorce, or they would end up living to see one of them die. He didn't really like either solution, if he was honest, although obviously, divorce was the bigger issue in his mind. Wonwoo was still set on the idea that at some point, Mingyu would want to break off their relationship so that he could just get on with his life with someone neurotypical and wouldn't have to worry about being a carer when his anxiety spiked, as much as Mingyu insisted that that would never end up happening.

That was an issue that ended up causing tension as well. Mingyu was insistent that he wasn't going to leave his boyfriend for anything, and Wonwoo was constantly worried that he would end up being left. It was a huge pain; as much as Mingyu knew that it was his mental health speaking when he thought that they would end up breaking up over boredom, it still made him feel as if it was a result of him being a bad partner or something. If he made it very clear all the time, Wonwoo wouldn't have any doubts, as far as he was concerned, so it was a fault on his part that was causing those sorts of arguments between them.

In the end, they did decide that getting engaged was the appropriate response to the situation. They needed to have something permanent for Wonwoo's parents to be happy and he eventually warmed up to the idea of making their relationship official in that sort of sense. After all, he was gradually getting more and more comfortable with physical contact, since he knew that Mingyu went out of his way to ensure that he was perfectly clean whenever they came in close contact, and eventually they even managed to be able to share bleach baths with each other too. It was a huge step, seeing as Wonwoo had always been rather squeamish about their bare skin touching, but he was strangely calm and comfortable when they were in the bleach bath together. He was even able to rest his face against Mingyu's bare shoulder once he'd soaked it in the water for a moment, and it was a particularly comfortable experience for them both.

Whilst the news of their engagement had come as a pleasant piece of news for Wonwoo's family and a happy surprise for Mingyu's parents, it actually wasn't taken all too well by their friends, surprisingly.

"We thought you'd have broken up with him by this point, but we always figured that you probably had someone else on the side," one of them confessed when he told them about it, "You're pretty much his carer, rather than his boyfriend, and don't you think that you'll finish your life feeling unfulfilled if you don't have children and intimacy and those sorts of things."  
"I do have intimacy. We cuddle quite a lot and we say that we love each other," Mingyu pointed out, trying his hardest not to show that he was annoyed by the comment. It was something that was between himself and Wonwoo, and it wasn't really anyone else's business. Not if they were his parents, not if they were his friends.  
"You know what I mean. Physical intimacy."

Cuddling _was_ physical intimacy, as far as Mingyu was concerned. He was occasionally allowed to play with Wonwoo's fingers, as long as they didn't get too close to his mouth and he didn't leave any residue on his partner's hands, and they did occasionally take the intimacy further. He helped Wonwoo to get changed and washed his hair when they showered together, and likewise, Wonwoo could sometimes bring himself to massage Mingyu's back after one of their bleach baths. It was all the physical intimacy that he really needed; he knew exactly what his friend meant, but it wasn't something that really appealed to him. Of course, it used to be something that meant quite a lot to him, but nowadays, it wasn't something that he really considered necessary. All relationships were different, with different needs and expectations, and this one was one that didn't require taking things that far for it to be fulfilling.

Mingyu actually couldn't believe the amount that that sort of topic came up in conversation with him. Not only was he getting it from his close friends, but also the colleagues who knew about Wonwoo's condition and some of his extended family, too. "Wonwoo is good, but don't you think you'll get sick of him?" some of them asked, "He's not really the sort of person with the capacity to help you if you're experiencing problems, is he?" Obviously, he was capable of doing that sort of thing. Whilst Mingyu helped him out most of the time, since his condition meant that he couldn't necessarily handle his emotions to the same extent as Mingyu was able to, he was still there to provide support whenever it was needed.

It was as if the assumption was that Wonwoo was incapable of showing love, but whenever he would ask them directly if that was what they meant, they would always start getting awkward about it. "Now, we don't mean that it goes that far. We just don't think that he's going to be the sort of person to provide a loving marriage in which you feel appreciated and that it's equal."

Mingyu hated that. It was exactly what he asked them but reworded, as if that made it something different. He knew full well that they had a bias against Wonwoo because their relationship wasn't exactly typical, as much as they would try to act as if that wasn't the case. They loved Wonwoo and thought he was a really nice person, they would tell him, they just thought that it was more sensible to go for a person who he was more likely to have a future with. Quite honestly, Mingyu knew that it was complete and utter nonsense and refused to even give them the time of day after a while, once he was completely and utterly done with the petty comments that he was receiving over their future.

And so they began to arrange their wedding together as if none of that rubbish was even going on in the background.

Granted, Wonwoo didn't exactly know that people were saying those sorts of things behind his back to start with. It wasn't something that Mingyu really advertised, and it wasn't something that they were going to say in front of him. As much as they seemed to think that Wonwoo was more robotic than human, for the most part, they weren't prepared to test their luck on it. Mingyu even made sure to let them know that he couldn't find out about the trash that they were spewing about him, in case it ended up setting off one of his episodes. He was constantly faced with situations that would lead to obsessive and compulsive behaviours and the shredded hands were one of the things he couldn't really bear to see anymore. He hated the sight of Wonwoo's hands with red bloody patches all over them, plus the process of disinfecting them always really hurt Wonwoo. Yet, it was the go-to habit that always stuck with him, and it was something that Mingyu couldn't really stop.

Of course, though, it was only a matter of time before he did end up finding out what Mingyu's friends had been saying about him behind his back for months. Mingyu didn't even know how he found out about it, but he got back from work to see that the house was an absolute tip. To start with, he was concerned that they'd been robbed or something. Wonwoo couldn't stand the mess, but the pristine appearance of the house was completely ruined when he arrived home. In fact, the only thing that stopped him from calling the police was the fact that nothing had been taken. Had someone broken in, they would've at least taken something small and easy to grab, but nothing was missing whatsoever. Wonwoo had even left a note on the fridge to say that he'd gone to work and would be back at around eight o'clock, so it wasn't even like he'd been kidnapped or anything.

Mingyu ended up spending the afternoon cleaning up the mess that had been made. Not only was all of the mess cleared away - including a number of open packets that had been left on the table, a full bag in the kitchen bin, their bedsheets thrown around their beds, and the remains of soap in the bottom of the bath - but he'd even made sure to bring out the bleach. Everything was washed down perfectly, the sofas were hoovered and sprayed with disinfectant, and any clothes or bedsheets that were left around were promptly put on a hot wash. He didn't know how it'd ended up looking so dreadful, but he didn't want his fiance to get back from work to see the state that the house had been in. Of course, a little part of him was still concerned that something happened whilst he was out and so he waited up in anticipation for Wonwoo's return with the phone next to him, just in case he did need to call the police, but everything was quiet until Wonwoo finally got home.

The first thing that Mingyu noticed was that he didn't have his gloves on. He actually touched the door handle without using his gloves. He couldn't believe it; door handles, in general, caused him a lot of stress for the most part, and he'd even been trapped in a bathroom before because he was unable to touch the handle to get out. Mingyu stared at him in complete silence until he noticed Wonwoo trying to subtly wipe his hands on his trousers, and it promptly dawned on him at that point that something was very wrong. If the apparent lack of concern towards hygiene wasn't a hint enough, the sign that he was still feeling the compulsive urge to wash his hands was certainly a sign.

"Are you okay?" he asked, making sure to pepper his tone with concern in order to stress how bothered he was with the strange behaviour, but either Wonwoo didn't catch on to what he was saying, or he was actively trying to pretend that he meant something completely different.  
"Work was a bit stressful today. Do I not get a hug and a kiss?"

No, that was too unlike Wonwoo. He didn't like physical contact as soon as he got inside as it led to contamination. If Mingyu's clothes were clean and he ended up passing on bacteria from outside the house, that bacteria would transfer right back to him when he changed into clean clothes. That was something that Mingyu honestly wasn't prepared to risk. "I'm not hugging you until you're changed. There's something different about you today, and I'd like you to tell me what's wrong." He tried to deny it, but as soon as Mingyu brought up their messed up house and the fact that he was going to call the police to report that they'd been robbed, the panic was obvious on Wonwoo's face.  
"I'm being a regular boyfriend by not obsessing with bacteria," he insisted, making sure to maintain eye contact the entire time to show that he was serious, "I realised that it's not a big deal."

Of course, it led to a huge argument. Mingyu pointed out that he couldn't just will away his anxiety, since it would hit him even harder when he least expected it and he wouldn't be able to feel comfortable, but Wonwoo insisted that he could quite easily not wash his hands for a day without worrying. It was a complete lie, Mingyu swore, but Wonwoo wasn't having any of it. He was going to be a normal boyfriend from that point on and wasn't going to allow Mingyu to suffer because he struggled with making physical contact. He wanted to share a bed that night and he wanted to get intimate with each other, but Mingyu hissed that he didn't like doing that sort of thing because he knew that it wasn't what Wonwoo truly wanted.

If it wasn't for the fact that it would make the situation one hundred times worse, Mingyu would've walked out on him. It took a solid hour for him to finally find out that Wonwoo knew what his friends had said about their relationship, although he still refused to say where he'd found that out from and swore that he would never tell. It wasn't something that he needed to know and it would cause unnecessary conflict, so it simply wasn't going to happen. Whilst Mingyu could respect that, he still wanted to know whether someone had said it maliciously to him or whether he'd overheard something, but Wonwoo still refused to disclose that sort of information.

Frankly, Mingyu didn't want him to be like any other boyfriend. He didn't care that they were close to opposites and he'd had to adapt to satisfy Wonwoo's obsessions and compulsions. If Wonwoo could be stubborn about not disclosing how he found out about that, he could be stubborn about insisting that their relationship was fine. The opinions of some people who didn't know their relationship didn't mean anything to him, and he wanted to push that to the back of his mind. He wasn't prepared to accept any arguments that he had about how it was best for them to break up, and eventually Wonwoo ended up completely melting down in front of him, sobbing that he just wanted to be the best that he could be for Mingyu. He'd been so concerned that he wasn't good enough for the longest time and the snide comments had only confirmed that for him. Wonwoo couldn't handle it, and he was done with the idea that he had to be typical to be a suitable partner. It hurt more than anything to see how much it affected him, but Mingyu figured that at least they weren't arguing any longer.

As much as they could say that they got past their differences once the argument was over, it still left behind a lot of tension. Now that it'd been mentioned, the damage was done, and their chances of working past it were slim. Mingyu hated it, but it wasn't something that he could help anymore. He just hoped it wouldn't affect their relationship too much in the long run.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't really feeling the perfect box ending that's come up in past fics. As I said, it was a huge idea that's come down into one fic. It's not all happiness with this sort of thing, and I sort of wanted to avoid that sort of thing?? Hopefully it works out though~
> 
> For the last of the T rated fics, we have a Jihoon/Chan babysitter AU!!
> 
> Thank you for reading!! <3


End file.
